“Hey you missed that on this report…!”
“Hey you should have done this way…!”
“This is good but I think you should do it that way…!”
“Why don’t you listen to me? Just do it this way…!”
Most of us would have frozen hands and feet while reading those sharp feedbacks. We have all faced such judging comments in our work life and have dealt with such a personality, who never ever is satisfied with whatever you do. I am fortunate to have, never faced such a personality as my boss. But yes have been with colleagues who never ever would appreciate my contribution in the team work. If we are facing such a Boss in office, more often than not we would always feel drained and exhausted even after a simple task with such a Boss. This kind of personality would easly tear in to anyone’s peace of mind, to the extent of person being moved to depression or becomes completely distant from the work and team. Person may even become irregular, would not be energetic and would start to notice a sharp decline in performance.
So, how you are going to deal with such as personality? People tend to change jobs. Yes! This is an effective way of changing your condition. But this has lot of risk involved, when we change in Such a state we are not looking for the best opportunity, but anything that comes first in hand. So, we don’t think of most important things like, Is the job right for my skills? Will it give boost to my career and my financials? How is the boss, will she/he be a good mentor? So, this may be a big gamble, this may also result in a cycle of changes before you find a right place to work. Or if you are fortunate enough you will find the right place! If you did find such place immediately, then it would be a Fairy Tale.
So how should we deal with such a situation? I would say there is not perfect solution to this, as each Boss is different and each Boss would have different set of experiences which may have led to her/his current behaviours. I would make a set of step that would help you tackle such a personality in best possible way, though this has to be modified in each case.
This probably is the most important step which has be done. It is very important to note set of experiences which has led to the current behavioural patterns of a Nagging Boss. Try and get to know a brief of his childhood and family, this will help you understand the majority of his thought patterns and values. As majority of what we are is rooted in personal experience we have in our early life. A persons financial background , educational choices, medical conditions, social status, religion, ethnic group, even sometimes which part of county or world we come from, contribute in major part of personality traits.
This can be extension of history , but why I have separated this , is because this step will help you accurately define your Bosses work style. Having a good Boss & Environment is vital for any person to succeed. You need to capture accurately how your boss has grown to his current role, was he a victim to a nagging boss? Or had bad personal experiences in job – Not being able to communicate or lack of Charisma, even though her/his technical competence is high, which has resulted in losing to competition who is ahead just because of good communication or better people skill or may be she/he is not able to woo bosses because not able to match high energy of the competitors. Their could be multiple other reasons which need to be analysed. Such people when they come to a driving position would love to see “The Ultimate Justice” be done to world. I would understand the need of such justice as they have been struggling due to some petty issues or did not find a boss who would see their talent and give a conducive environment of appreciation and growth. Analyse this and you would have come very close to understand your Boss.
You need to understand what values your boss is driven by. You need to understand if your is boss is high on integrity, honesty, excellence, knowledge, etc. You need this for adjusting your behaviour and your conversation which would match his values. This also has to reflect in how you present your work to your boss, there would be high probability of getting your work or project approved if you have designed your work keeping his values in mind. Also the other benefit would be to have a better rapport. You may end up in your bosses friend circle or. ‘Go to Man!’.
Appreciation & Agreement framework
This is such a powerful tool, to master this you need to identify the right situation to apply, which is most important part. Generally, if you have such a Boss, you can start appreciating their competencies. This will satisfy the bosses need for appreciation for competences which they possess. This need of appreciation may have developed over the period of time due to their early child hood or past experiences in the job, where they never got due appreciation. If you have done your homework properly and have jotted down ‘History’ & ‘Job Histroy’ properly, then it would help you with this task immensely. By being in agreement frame with the Boss would help you build a rapport which is very strong. I am not saying to agree to everything what she/he says and always be in agreement frame. You don’t have to turn into “Bosses Puppy”. What I am saying is you need to take a stand for what you think and at same time not be on bad side of your boss, e.g. If you have a situation where you don’t agree to your Boss and have to give your opinion. I know we all have been their, and most of us have come out bruised or with ego issue with the Boss. Agreement frame would help you put your thought and opinion in much acceptable way. You may start with agreeing to what your boss has said and even highlight the positive outcomes, it would have for the business, you may start like this “I see this as a great idea, this will have a direct impact on the current situation and this would be easy to implement”. Now you have all ears of your Boss as you are using appreciation and agreement together, now it’s your turn to put your opinion in it. You in continuation to above say “And, we have to see if this can be a sustainable idea,we need to just add a check list of things which will make this idea sustainable!” Here ‘And’ is the most important word which you have used, its not allowing any negativity in the sentence. Avoid any negative feedbacks. If you are able to do this you are on the right path to change relationship with your Boss.
There are many other things that can be done, to have a better rapport with your boss, above list of step being the most important and base to any change you would want in your boss. This are all skills if you are able to develop, would have a drastic impact on your people management skill. This will have a all round positive impact on all your circle of relationships, may be at home, office or any other social set up. If you have done any other things, kindly leave a comment below to help those who are going though troublesome time in workplace.