One of the most beautiful aspect of Human life is to be in a relationship, we can not put in words the emotions we feel when we are in love. The rush we get to see even a site of our loved one. How we wake up with excitement and joy , to just see or meet our partners. Holding hands and going for movies or dinner on a valentine day this is ultimate definition of love. It is so soothing to be cared and loved unconditionally. Throughout the History of Mankind “Love” has been glorified and portrayed as a thing that would instigate us to fight over and even kill for. The “Love” which we are talking here is between two individuals, ignoring their age, gender or any other aspect.
When we choose some one we choose not only the good part of the person, but we also choose the other part which at first we may not know or never have seen surfacing before. A person may be able to hide the real self for sometime. But as and when we tend to get used to the each other we tend to come back to real us. That is when the problem starts to surface or not. If we are able to come to accept the difference of opinion, culture, beliefs, values, etc we tend to have a very smooth relationship. Whenever we see someone is having a very beautiful relationship, we often observe that both the partners are willing to change and let go of their old self’s to be with each other or accept “The GOOD,BAD & UGLY”. The only force which will help you cope up with such a change, is “Love” and “Passion” for each other. The comfort of being together in warmth of each other arms can just make us forget everything. Physical affection is very important in any relationship. Also, this has to be from both the partners as I mentioned above. The other scenario is when we see a stressful relationship, we may observe one partner is ready to let go and change and adjust and equally the other is reluctant to commit to this change, you would start seeing their relation being to look frustrating. If you are the person who has committed to the change and try every bit to make this relationship a success. You may notice yourself being drained out of energy, you will not be able to focus on bigger things in life i.e. your family or career. More often the person who is making the majority of the effort would see his values and beliefs shattered or override when that person tries to match to second persons beliefs and value. If you talk to any Therapist they would suggest not to pursue any further such a cause. Because when a person tries to be what that person is not, it has consequence involved both physical and psychological. In adjusting yourself you would unconsciously may supress every things which brings you joy and energise you. You would see yourself being in vicious circle of bad moods and frustration. You would really wake up excited to meet your partner but more often end up fighting. You would start wondering why this is happening. Even though you would have suppressed yourself & your beliefs, but the satisfaction would not be there. If you are going through something like this. Then is for you ! Please get yourself together.
The Most common thing observed or fears we see in people in any relationship is fear of loosing. This experience may is so much devastating that people may slip in to depression easily. To get out of such a toxic state you need to understand the framework of this “Fear”. Any Person Fear would have its roots in how much stake he has put in the relation may not be always in monetary terms and not having any other option. If you follow below steps with a proper guidance from a Therapist you would start your journey of change and happiness. Go through the steps , you can modify how you do it based on your situation but not the chronology.
Analysis of what’s on stake !
You got to understand that, is this all or nothing approach worth? What price I am paying for this relationship?. What have you put on stake to make this relationship really a success. Being in such a relationship will ask to make choices with your life which may not be best suitable for you. You may as well find your self in wrong career, wrong jobs, away from your family & others. You need to understand this is all adding up to your distress and making you even more unhappy. The more unhappy you are more you would seek comfort and happiness in your relationship, which is not giving you this. So you end up either being angry, fighting with each other. Thus making an unending chain of unhappiness, this can be a times so crazy it would make them behave irrationally in society. So more you peruse such a relation more it will ask you to put on stake in terms of your career and other choices.
Revive the Real You ! (Take Control Of Your Life)
This is by far the most important and positive step that you can take to get your senses. Make a list of your friend whom you have stopped hanging out with. Ohh ! Just remember those fun nights with your friends and the crazy parties. Nothing more therapeutic than meeting your buddy and have some fun. Go on a short vacation with your friend and take a break and rethink, don’t tell anything to your partner unless your have figured it out what you really want to do. Start doing things which made you feel happy like Music, dance , art & others, which you would have stopped just because your partner is not good at mentioned hobbies, does not like them or any other reason . To break free this vicious cycle of unhappiness this step is very important.
Start Meeting New People
Yes! you need to make a new environment for yourself. A new ecosystem where you can have new people. Majority of the time we are stuck in a relation because we have not other environment to go to. The best way to deal is to have friend who are not related your partner. This will even help you, with your goal of reviving real you. As you can be yourself , don’t have to worry about anything. Even you engage in some flittering with some other Guys/Gals or both whatever your preference is. No ! you are not cheating, this will really help you see the difference between your current situation and help you realise world has not ended. All this will act as a back up or an environment when you finally decide to move on, you will have a place where you can go and be peaceful again.
Make A Decision !
If you are able to follow above three steps, then you would have already started to change in you behaviour with your partner. Which that person would have also noticed. You may see yourself more calm, confident and better able to tackle yourself. This has been only possible because you have revived yourself and made a new ecosystem where you can go if this current collapses. Now remote to your life would be in your hand below two question would be important to make DO I WANT TO CONTINUE BEING IN CONTROLLED STATE & PERSUE THIS RELATIONSHIP ? OR WE CAN BE HAPPIER IF WE TOOK A BREAK AND RETHINK ON OUR RELATION ?
We do not know what is next after this life. Life is beautiful. We have right to be Happy !