To be in a relationship is the most wonderful and pleasant experience one could have. The feeling of being wanted and cared is just so soothing and satisfying, we can not put it to compare to anything else. God’s perfect creation has a perfect reason to be alive. Our entire life revolves around finding a right partner and living a full blessed life, enriched with love and care. This is embedded in our brains, and we can say it is one of the prime directives. The time we spend in a relationship is one of the most memorable time in life, we create memories that last long.
But all of us know and almost all have experienced a heartbreak in life which is the flip side of the coin, may that experience be in school or college or even in adulthood. And we all know, its one of the most complex set of emotions and feelings to handle. Heart Break brings a sudden feeling of loss and the emptiness, the most terrifying experience a person can have. Most of us, do come out of that pit, and we all have our own set of recovery paths. Many of us have experienced such failed relationships in our life, and even then, we may find ourselves in similar situations again and again. We do not learn from these failed relationships.One failed relationship is followed by another, that may happen to some of us or most of us. We may pause and ponder over this, we are so clear in our heads and we know what things need to be avoided, to save ourselvefes from all the stress and bitterness of a relationship, but even then we end up doing same things, maybe in a different way. We even end up finding similar personalities in many consecutive relations we find ourselves in. It is very difficult to clearly catch the set of behaviors which leads us to this vicious circle. To do that, one needs to understand what are the things that are responsible for a relationship to fail or rather not go as desired. Post that we can discuss possible ways to avoid this repeated behaviors.
All relationships are unique as each individual are unique, but there are some common factors which we see responsible for each relationship failure. Most common are ;
1) Lack of Openness
Lack of openness is when one of the partners chooses, not to completely trust and would keep multiple things from the partner, this is a recipe for a perfect chaotic and bumpy relationship. There are many reasons to hide or not to share somethings,
Case 1 – One may think their partner is not matured to handle the truth o
Case 2 – Someone may be petrified to tell due to fear of loss or other reasons. This may become one of the reasons for your lack of involvement in that relationship, it may also happen that your partner gets to know the things from a different source this is when the partner becomes more and more curious to know what happened and why you did not choose to share this. After this you may find your partner asking you a lot of questions, this is when you start feeling stressed when you meet your partner instead of happiness and end up in fights and misunderstandings. Whatever may be the reason for holding on things from your partner, one must understand that sharing and discussing up front is a best possible way to judge your partner’s strength to accept you as you are.
2) A Stubborn Choice
Many of us think and just know that Our Partner is Just The Right Choices For Us! No one else can replace that person! This stubbornness in thought narrows our vision and almost blocks all calls of our instincts. In such a case we fail to see all visible flaws or accept they are incompatible and eventually ignore to understand how bad a choice they are as a partner. Mostly in such a relationship, people tend to make a compromise with everything, just to be with that person. This is when you become so caged and end up in a relationship which is not in your control. You may find this situation when we meet our First Love or Even People who would find it difficult to be with someone and find someone who is interested in them or in the case when we just admire someone so much and we try to be them at any cost. Any which ways this becomes a very dangerous situation for the person who is just trying too hard to be in a realation. Sometimes you have to learn to let things go and just allow things to fall in to place instead of forcing your ways.
3) The Sole Purpose of Survival
This may be an extended version of above point. In a relationship, when someone has put everything in it, their time, personal respect, social status, everything on stake just to maintain their relationship ends up becoming possessive and the same relationship becomes a nightmare for both. Too much of anything becomes poison, wisely said by elders. This is just a gamble that a person takes, which has a devastating impact on life. Post a failed relation more often than not you just lose the spark in life, and happiness and finds yourself in a place which is undesirable and becomes unbearable. As the only motivating factor is no more the driving factor. All suppressed desires and choice hits you back hard, you start comparing your current status with your choices, and this makes it even more painful. You are left with the resentment and frustration for failing even after putting so much and you finally get a picture see the loss that you have incurred in course of this madness. Loosing once self is very dangerous, our perspective towards life just changes, which effects us and our families. Thus it is very impoortant to take control of the situation, be it gets best of you.
There must be many more reason, this being the most observed and common and thus are mentioned here. In my next blog, we will discuss how do we address such an issue which is so hideous and so stealth in its application, we do not know when it is at work in our brain. As if we just don’t remember when this imposter in us takes control of us and leads us into this familiar mess. I have been through this, and I know what it feels like after we have enacted the same drama and in a different way, but the emotions that are driving this and the outcome is the same. Your First step should be to get out of such a relationship which is literally sucking the life out of your lungs. To do that refer my blog on How to get of Toxic relationship. Links Below
Once you do that, we can come to disrupt the behaviours that are leading to similar patterns in your relationship. See you in next blog.