Previously we have seen, the reasons and behaviours that leads us to a situation where we are not in control of our relations. Here we will see, what can be done to get in control of our relations and emotions.
If you have recently just gone through a breakup or your relation has become estranged, lack of love and comfort, you need to do below list of things.
Step 1 – Make a list of compromises that you are making in your relationship, to make it work.
Step 2 – Arrange these compromises in a descending order of effect.
Step 3 (Active Relationship) – If you are still in a relation you can just sit down and discuss with your partner about your issues, its always better to be up front and frank. Do not think, that by sharing this list of compromises with your partner, your relations would change, things would become fake & it would not be natural. If your partner is taking care of the things that are affecting you, it is a good thing, even though few things may change, but that change would be for good. Relationship should work both ways.
Step 3 (Breakup Situation) – If you have recently parted, then first thing to do would be to take a break, and allow yourself to heal. A rebound relationship is worst thing you could do to yourself. You need to follow step 2 and very consciously think about it. Get yourself back on track, do things that make you feel happy, go out friends, eat well, work out, listen to music, attend church, anything that increases your social interaction. Do not keep your self-confined to yourself, share your feelings and emotions with your close ones. Find your feet again in the rhythm of the world.
Step 4 (Rejuvenated Approach) – Yes ! You are not going to be alone forever, your are again eventually would want to find somebody. But before finding someone, you have to be very clear, what you are looking for ? You can not thing your will figure your way around. You have to have clear steps in your head, before going all in a relation. First and most important thing to do is to spend time with your partner, as a friend, try and know as much as possible be for going to the next stage. Have your list of uncompromisable things ready with your always. No! it does not mean you have to sit with a list whenever you meet that person. This list has to be like beacon, while building your relationship. Just observe how your partner is fulfilling each of the needs.
Step 5 – Be open about your expectation and share upfront in polite manner what is acceptable to you. By doing so you are setting up a boundary which your partner would be aware not to cross. This will help your relationship be more open and respectful. Once your partner and you would spend more time, this would become a habit, but still you have to keep this space to yourself, so that you would have space for yourself.
Step 6 – Give enough space to your partner and yourself to have your own separate group of friends. This is healthy for your relationship, to have your own space and time. This ensures that you will not burn out and have lots of things to chat about. For a long term relationship to work this is very important. This will keep your relationship very fresh and happening.
Step 7 – Have your personal Goals listed in front of you and have regular discussion with your partner about it. This will help you pace your life and also achieve personal mile stone. This will enable you to track and balance your emotional, social and financial life. If you find any one is not in alignment you have enough time to work on it. You would know what you will have to do in order to get things right.
Step 8 – Always Remembers the mess you were in & How you came out of it !
This are my take on few steps you can do to make your relation work and not end up in familiar mess. If you have anymore please list down in comments. Thanks!